I only went for a coffee!

As I went to get my coffee this morning I saw a middle aged man who was wilting in the autumn sunshine holding a beer can.

I decided to ask him if he wanted me to get him a coffee. He declined but thanked me and we then engaged in a conversation that gave an explanation to his predicament. It didn’t take long to realise I was talking to an extremely bright and intelligent human being who had clearly fallen on desperate times. As his story unfolded I discovered that he had reached the top echelons of our educational system, worked some of the top jobs you could imagine and yet here he was a dim reflection of such a promising pathway. 

My heart was breaking as I saw his unlimited potential battered and bruised by his journey. He was clearly a casualty of cut throat competitive environments that had either failed to see his struggle or did not know what to do to help. I have seen it all before. The competitive bandwagon must keep moving at all costs. Results are prioritised and the very human beings that have served its objectives become collateral damage.

I asked him ‘what was missing in those environments that could have made a difference to help him at the time?’ ‘Mmmm’ he said as he thought long and hard…’that is a very good question.’ He went on to explain that whilst mental health solutions would have helped he also knew it was bigger, deeper than that. 

I began to share my passion in this area. I believe we have to look at ‘identity.’ I am no trained psychologist but after 20 years of counselling, coaching and leading people through a church and organisational context I know that the core component that is least understood sounds the simplest to understand. After all who shouldn’t be able to answer the question ‘who am I?’ It is the simplest and yet most difficult question to answer. Why is that? Because the answer is rooted in what is spiritual. 

When I refer to spiritual I am not talking religion. The Spirit self is the essence of a person. It is deep than personality trait, cultural background and gifting. As human beings we express our invisible selves through visible means. The real me is not physical, you can cut me open and you won’t find me, you will only find the raw materials of how my life was amplified. 

The real me is constructed of the value I believe I have, the essence of worth that can be used in a way to bring out the intrinsic value in others. The real me is the connected me. Put me in isolation and the real me fades. Social isolation has resulted in motivation poverty. The reason, the  purpose or the why for my life requires other people for me to serve. 

I made the gentleman promise that he would keep his eyes on the young people he said he wants to help because as he focusses on serving others, the real him will surface. I reminded that he is intrinsically valuable and I hope our 30 minute conversation played one small part in unlocking his incredible potential that this world needs. 

Coaching question: How would you answer the question ‘Who am I?’ Do I believe I am intrinsically valuable and how can I help someone today know that they too are valuable? 

Why not join me and a room full of change leaders on September 28th at the Intercontinental o2. It is time for a ‘different’ approach to impacting your sector and society. Click here for tickets